So Fucking Close

Alright. The book.

The goddamned book.

No, just kidding. I love the book. I love the idea of the book. I love the idea of pushing this book, my first book, over the goddamned finish line. And it’s getting so fucking close.

And along the way, I’m learning a lot. Mostly by accidentally discovering all the things I didn’t know.

For example: cover design. The cover is mostly done. And I fucking love it. It’s exactly what it’s supposed to be. There’s a feather incorporated into the design (well, highlighted, if I’m being honest), meant to represent the freeing of the albatross. That moment in The Rime of the Ancient Mariner when the rope is cut and the weight finally falls away.

A feather hanging weightless in the air.

Light radiating into darkness.

A spark of life.

She truly honored the vision, and I’m incredibly grateful.

But I said “mostly done,” didn’t I?

Yeah. That’s where the learning curve begins.

Because apparently you can’t finish a book cover until you know the final page count. Why?  Because the page count determines the spine width.

Who the fuck knew?

Well… they did.

I didn’t.

But now I do.

Which led me to hiring an interior book designer to handle fonts, typesetting, chapter transitions, and formatting the book for its final publication size.

“What size will the book be?” she asked.

Yeah… hadn’t fucking thought about that either.

So I did what any modern human does when faced with a question they should probably know the answer to. I asked the internet.

Six by nine. Apparently that’s the sweet spot for memoirs.

Once that decision was made, she came back with some interior design concepts, and I was honestly floored. The thought that goes into the typography, spacing, chapter openings, things I had never even considered before, is incredible.

So much thought goes into making a book.

And along the way I realized something interesting.

Every single person I’ve hired to help bring this book to life has been a woman.

Completely unintentional.

But it’s showing.

The care. The thoughtfulness. The way they’ve approached this incredibly personal story and treated it with respect. This isn’t just a project to them. They understand what it is.

Because this book isn’t just a book. It’s my memoir. My post-death reflection. My story about life after dying… the first time.

I tried to tell parts of this story a couple of years ago when I gave a presentation at work. When I was practicing that presentation, I cried my fucking eyes out because the feelings were still so raw.

That’s the story I’m releasing to the world. That’s my first book.

And the women I hired to turn my words into something tangible have honored the hell out of it.

For that, I am deeply grateful. Because we are so fucking close now.

So fucking close.