Both Parties Can Fuck All The Way Off

This isn’t a political post.

It’s a freedom post.

Because every few years, I’m told that voting third party is a waste—or worse, a sin against democracy. And every few years, I find myself fighting family and friends over the very definition of democracy.

Every election cycle, my dad likes to poke at me about my party affiliation. I didn’t have to tell him back when I made the switch—but those of you who know me know I’m not the type to hide in conversation. Fuck that.

So every four years, I get the same speech: that my vote is wasted, that voting third party is “really a vote for the other guy.”

The logic falls flat even under layman review, and yet that view dominates American political thought.

And while these “free thinkers” chant slogans and wave homemade signs at each other from opposite curbs, the fat cats in office sit back and smile.

I’m tired of it.

Tired of the elitism.

Tired of the moral soapboxes.

Tired of the casual misuse of words like “freedom” and “democracy” in a system that defies both.

I’m tired of Republicans, and I’m tired of Democrats. I’m tired of the same two shitty choices being shoved in our faces, like they’re all that stand between us and chaos—when they’re the ones causing the chaos.

If you know me, then you know I’m a big fan of freedom. I think everyone should have it. We don’t. But yeah—I think it should be a thing. Someone should throw some tea in a harbor, write a nasty breakup letter, and fire a shot in anger. Pretty sure that’s happened before.

You can’t scream about liberty with one hand and use the other to scroll through your phone yelling at me for my vote. Freedom means voting for whoever the fuck you want. Or not voting at all.

I’ve heard that argument, too—that not voting somehow forfeits your right to complain. That choosing not to endorse one of two carefully curated, media-trained avatars is “anti-democratic.”

Um... bullshit.

Republicans have traded their small-government principles for moral grandstanding, bending the knee to the conservative Christian base while pretending it’s still about liberty.

Democrats have fully embraced government-as-parent, trying to regulate human behavior in the name of safety, absolutely defying the root of their party’s name.

And don’t mistake this for election-year cynicism. I’m writing this in an off-cycle. No primaries. No November chaos. No meme wars tearing each other’s children apart online. Just clarity.

So let me be clear: Both parties are run by self-serving bastards.

They feed from the same trough.

And anytime a third-party candidate gets traction, they band together to shut it down—because freedom is good for campaigns, but bad for control.

I’m not picking between Coke and Pepsi and pretending it’s revolutionary. I’m bringing my own damn flask.

And yeah—it's filled with Sprite.

The clear Coca-Cola product.

Because fuck your false choices.