Flags

About a week ago, my best friend said something that stuck with me. She said I seem to start with the presumption that people are dishonest when I first meet them.

That surprised me. Because in my mind, I’m the opposite. I’m the one who says, “I’ll make up my own mind.” I don’t care what you’re wearing, what you drive, what rumors follow you. I prefer firsthand data.

So it bothered me that I’d given her that impression. But after thinking about it, I don’t think she was entirely wrong. She just wasn’t seeing the internal process.

I don’t assume people are dishonest. But I do watch for flags.

And there are certain traits I simply will not abide. I hate liars. Not the harmless social smoothing kind, I mean people who operate without integrity. People who bend truth as a reflex. People who treat honesty like a convenience.

If you’re fundamentally decent, fundamentally honest, and committed to learning, you’re in. That’s it. That’s the bar.

But if something in you signals dishonesty, a casual lie, a contradiction delivered too smoothly, or a story that shifts depending on the audience, I fucking notice. And I decide quickly.

To an outsider, that can look like I don’t give people a chance. But here’s the truth: I don’t give dishonesty a chance.

Life, and more importantly, death, have clarified something for me. Time is not theoretical.

I didn’t come back from three cardiac arrests. I didn’t claw my way back from a wreck that could’ve ended everything so I could spend my days tolerating people of questionable character. I don’t have that kind of excess.

So yes, I judge. Not based on surface-level noise. Based on integrity signals.

Maybe that’s not saintly. Maybe it’s not what a softer philosophy would recommend. But it is human.

Discernment is not the same thing as cynicism. Cynicism assumes everyone is corrupt. Discernment simply refuses to ignore patterns.

I will give anyone an equal start. But if a flag goes up? Stand by to stand the fuck by. Because peace is expensive. And I’m not spending mine on people who treat integrity like an accessory.