Micro-Rant: Your Voicemail Is Too Damn Long

Look, I don’t want to be a chronic complainer, but apparently I’m a reluctant one — always showing up with problems, never solutions. Today’s contribution to my ongoing collection of petty irritations? Unnecessarily long voicemail greetings.

I had to call my insurance adjuster. He never fucking answers. Ever. So I knew I was going to voicemail, and yet…I still wasn’t prepared.

Because I ran face-first into one of my biggest, dumbest pet peeves: Voicemail messages that go on forever.

News flash: I know who you are. I know what you do. I don’t need a guided tour of your personality before the beep.

Just say “leave a message”.

Actually? Don’t even say that. We all know how voicemail works. It’s been around since the 90s — the same decade that introduced us to the idea that callers need instructions, options, disclaimers, and some long-ass monologue about why you’re not answering.

I don’t need it. Nobody needs it. Good fucking god, make it stop.