Pain, But Progress

Alright… here’s where I’m at.

Good news first, because there actually is some. After this surgery, I’ve got feeling back in parts of my lip and chin that have been completely numb since the accident last October. That alone is huge. I didn’t realize how much I missed something as simple as feeling my own face until it started coming back.

Now the tradeoff: It hurts. Not “a little uncomfortable.” Not “manageable.” It fucking hurts.

To fix things, they basically had to cut my bottom lip down to my chin again. The difference this time? Controlled. Surgical. Clean. Last time it was just ripped apart by impact.

So yeah… technically better. Still hurts like hell.

The day itself didn’t help. I went in expecting an early morning surgery, 6 AM, get it over with, start healing. That made sense in my head.

Instead? 2:30 PM check-in. Then about an hour and a half sitting around, waiting while doctors and nurses did whatever it is they do behind those closed doors while patients just… sit.

To be fair, the staff were great. No complaints there. Just one of those long, draining waits where your brain has too much time to think.

Afterward, we got back to the hotel and went up to the rooftop bar to grab food.

And I couldn’t eat.

Not because I wasn’t hungry, I was pushing 26 hours without food at that point, but because my face hurt too damn much to even try.

That’s a weird place to be. Your body is screaming for fuel, and at the same time saying, “Yeah, don’t even think about it.”

So I didn’t.

Now it’s just pain management and waiting.

My whole jaw is sore, but the real pain is right along the suture line, through my lip and down my chin, inside and out. And my throat’s throbbing too, courtesy of the nasal oxygen tube they used since a mouth tube wasn’t an option.

But here’s the thing. It looks better. Not perfect. Not even close. It’s still a little gnarly. But it looks… closer. More like me. And maybe, maybe, it’s functional again. Maybe I won’t feel like a goddamn spectacle every time I walk into a room.

So for now, I sit with it. The pain. The waiting. The slow crawl toward healing. Waiting for it to settle down. Waiting for it to heal. Waiting for the moment I can smile again… without it hurting.

Because that moment’s coming. And when it does, it’s going to mean a hell of a lot more than it used to.