Four Months
Four months can hold a lifetime. Concerts. Bikes. A brand-new tire that never got its second chance. Hospital photos I didn’t remember taking, but my body remembers living. Trauma doesn’t change you slowly, it rewires you overnight. You wake up different. And then one day, you have to walk back into your life and see who’s still there.
Some Days the Words Don’t Come, But the Ride Does
Some days I wake up with stories clawing to get out. Other days, my wrist hurts, my foot protests, and the words stay quiet. On those days, I ride. And somewhere between cold air, torque, and movement, my soul remembers who the fuck I am.
You Don’t Get to Be More Afraid of My Recovery Than I Am
I survived injuries that kill people outright. Every minute since has been a fight, and I fought. Two months later, I got back on my bike, not because I forgot what happened, but because I refuse to let the person who hit me define the rest of my life. What surprised me wasn’t fear. It was the judgment for getting up.
Background Noise Is a Lie
I turned on the news because I wanted background noise. What I got instead was a full-volume assault on my nervous system: manufactured urgency, flashing lights, and the same tired voices insisting that everything was on fire. Ten minutes in, even muted, it was unbearable. Silence felt like rebellion again.
Feeding The Muscle
I ditched the wheelchair because I was done waiting.
The boot stayed longer than it should have, and it stole more muscle than I realized. Turns out the pain wasn’t injury, it was absence. Muscle that hadn’t been fed because the system decided stillness was safer than strength. I decided otherwise.
Before Dawn
Since dying three and a half years ago, I’ve become a morning person. Not the cute “wake up at seven with coffee” kind — the “3 A.M. because the universe shook me awake” kind. And in that silence, untouched by the noise of billions of sleeping humans, my real life began.
Dreaming on the Edge of Becoming
Tonight I’m dreaming — about the book I just finished through broken bones and pain, and about the life I’m building from the ashes. This memoir is my launchpad. My declaration. My refusal to play small. And the future I’m carving is starting to take shape.
On Gratitude, Fear, and Finally Finishing the Damn Book
After months of chaos, healing, and unexpected clarity, I reread my memoir from beginning to end — and realized it’s finally fucking done. What comes next is terrifying and exhilarating in equal measure, but I’m stepping into it head-on.