Two in the Morning, and Not Done Yet

Here I sit at not quite two in the goddamned morning. I’ve been up for two hours, fucking around on the internet. Mostly ogling motorcycle parts, because apparently Nyx isn’t expensive enough yet.

Let’s recap.

·       $4,600 for pipes, air, and tune.

·       $1,500 for seat, sissy bar, luggage rack.

·       $1,000 for windshield and guards.

·       $500 for rear lights and plate relocation.

And tonight? Lighting. Again. Or “obsessing,” if we’re being honest.

At some point I started massaging my left calf. Because while the lawyers are done, my body isn’t. Almost four months out from the crash and my entire left leg still carries it. Mangled foot pinned back together. Chunk of skin missing from my knee. That fancy French kitchen gadget of trauma — the Morel-Lavallée lesion on my thigh.

Nobody writes long chart notes about soft tissue when bones are sticking out of alignment. I get it. Priorities. But bones heal. Paperwork closes. Settlements finalize.

Muscle? Nerve? Memory? That shit lingers.

My upper calf has finally started loosening over the last couple of weeks. Slow progress, middle-of-the-night self-rehab sessions. But the lower part, near the Achilles? Still hard. Still swollen. Still not interested in cooperating.

My foot? Better. Not normal. Just… better.

The lawyers negotiated. The insurance companies applied their formulas. Numbers were moved around until everyone got as close to “whole” as policy limits allow.

Everyone except the body that’s still healing. Except the brain that still occasionally misfires. Except the year of recovery that no spreadsheet accounts for.

It’s not vengeance I’m after. It’s just honesty about cost. And cost doesn’t end when the check clears.

So yeah, I upgraded the bike. If you’re going to total my old one, I’m going to build something better.

And Nyx? She’s looking mean. Rear lighting on the way. Front end next. Another couple thousand easy.

Healing is slow. Motorcycle parts ship faster.

My thoughts are scattered tonight. Two a.m. will do that. When your brain runs at a thousand miles an hour but your body is still catching up, coherence gets a little loose.

But here’s the clean version: The lawyers are done. The insurance companies are done. The paperwork is done.

I’m not.

And that’s okay. Time will be the arbiter of truth.

In the meantime, I’ll keep massaging scar tissue and adding horsepower because both are forms of forward motion.