Me and My Watch

I’ve always sucked at time management. I’m brilliant at certain things—the things that light my soul on fire (in the good way, not the churchy eternal damnation way). Writing (I hope). Problem solving. Thinking outside the box—even though saying “outside the box” is probably the most in-the-box thing I could say.

And then there are things I absolutely suck at. My soul knows it, my brain knows it, my whole body tenses up when they show up in my life. Things like project management. Completion estimates. Plans. Any plans. Ever. Ask my friends—it drives them nuts.

Want to know what I’m doing two, three, four days from now? A week out? That’s not a question—it’s an anxiety attack in a gift box. And here’s why: I have to be in the right mood for things. When I’m not, it’s not “I don’t want to,” it’s “I literally can’t.” My soul won’t allow it.

Here’s how it breaks down:

• If there’s a time commitment: I’m horrible.

• No time commitment: I’m decent.

• No time commitment and it requires creativity: I’m on fire.

That’s my sweet spot. That’s why I’m chasing this writing career. My day job lost its creative edge years ago. Back then, the creative troubleshooting kept me alive. Now? It’s all time management, and I fucking despise it. Every once in a blue moon, I get tossed a real problem to solve, and those moments keep me from hanging myself at my desk … for now.

But life doesn’t care. This is game day. We’re working in prod. There’s no dev region. My shift from corporate to creative still demands schedules, and schedules are my kryptonite.

I know I have to show up to write—on schedule—if I want to succeed. But putting “Thursday at 5” on the calendar feels like penciling in laundry or dishes. It feels like bowing to another set of corporate overlords. The difference is that in this case, the overlord is me. And I’m just as much of a hardass as the rest of them.

I’m fifty-three years old. I know what I know. It took me decades to admit all this out loud. Being Gen X, I’m also a realist: persistence is the key to success, and persistence demands showing up even when I’d rather set my schedule on fire.

So yeah, I’ll probably curse humanity while I’m doing it. But I’ll still do it. If it were easy, everyone would be doing it, right?

For those who know me, you’re probably smiling right now. For those who don’t—well, now you know me a little better.