We’re Just Trying To Pee

America has a problem. A big problem. A huge (pronounced YOU-dge) problem.

Left-leaning politicians skirt the issue by talking in generalities, offering watered-down solutions that shift responsibility onto local authorities. Right-leaning politicians lean hard into “protecting” our nation’s more feeble gender, throwing a big strong arm around them to shield them from the lurking menace.

Yeah, you guessed it. I’m talking about transgender people … and their incessant need to pee. Or, as CNN and FOX like to call it: The Biggest Problem Facing America.

As sheets of paper fly across the floors of state legislatures across the nation, the pundits can’t get enough of it. Newspapers, morning shows, celebrities, they all jump in on the conversation: Transgender women in bathrooms! Transgender women in locker rooms!

And they always spin it in the worst possible way, trying to make transgender people look like freaks, predators, criminals … painting us as the dregs of society.

Four years ago, in the middle of lockdowns and hoarding-induced shortages, I moved to Santa Fe. I was renting at the time, and the real estate explosion had left dollar signs burned into the retinas of my Los Alamos landlords. After six years in that place, they decided to sell. No big deal. I was ready for a change.

I found a place near downtown Santa Fe, threw away half my stuff, and moved. One of the perks of that location was its proximity to local bars and restaurants. Back then I still drank, so I’d walk downtown after work, grab food, and then hit the local shitholes to listen to music, talk to strangers, and get lost in my own thoughts.

On one such night, I found myself at Evangelo’s, a local cash-only bar. It was winter, so I had a heavy jacket on, and back then I wore a cowgirl hat. For those who don’t know me, I’m already tall at 6’1”, and the hat adds a few inches. I don’t really “do” feminine, and for some reason that bothers people. They seem to think that if you come out as transgender, you’re obligated to go all-in on the most ridiculously girlie 1960s housewife look money can buy (even though the word literally means ‘across or beyond gender’).

Hormones made me feel right after a lifetime of feeling wrong. I am transgender. My name is Kate. And yes, before you ask (because I know you will), I use the women’s bathroom.

At Evangelo’s, the bathrooms are essentially single-stall setups, but with a little standing area in front of the stall where a sink sits. I went in to use the restroom — a need that arises often in establishments that profit from selling liquids for on-premise consumption. Wintertime means a lot of layers, and all of it has to come off before I can pee, so it’s a goddamned process.

I finally sit down, and suddenly, the door swings open. A woman storms in and starts pounding on the stall door, yelling at me to leave. What the fuck? I’m just trying to pee. She leaves and returns with the owner, who also yells at me to get out. Needless to say, I didn’t pee.

By now, a crowd was amassing outside the door, and I was starting to fear for my safety, asking myself a very real question: would I have to defend myself just to leave unharmed?

I mustered the courage to step out. I was terrified, but I was also fucking furious. Why were they doing this to me? Why were they trying to turn what had (up to that point) been a pretty decent night upside fucking down?

The owner was a lot shorter than I am, so as I walked by him, I pulled my left tit out of my tank top under all those layers and flashed it in his face, almost hitting him in the nose. Then I flipped him off as I walked out, humiliated in front of the small crowd gathered at the restroom door.

Today, nearly 20 states have enacted laws restricting transgender people from using bathrooms that match their gender identity. In some places, like Florida and Texas, those laws even carry penalties. In Florida, refusing to leave the ‘wrong’ restroom can be treated as a criminal offense. In Texas, businesses can be fined.

And yet, the entire premise is absolutely ludicrous! Do people really want me bellying up to a urinal between Paul and Chuck, with my 40D breasts proudly on display?

Now who’s the fucking pervert?

I don’t use the restroom at work anymore.

I’ve never tried to make a political statement with my transition. I’ve just been trying to live and let live. But I’ve been in that situation before, and I see the media stirring up the masses over goddamned restrooms.

I hear people at work say things that make me believe they lean right politically, and so I assume they’re against me using the restroom. I know that assumption isn’t fair. But politicians and pundits, partnered with their favorite “news” outlets, have the masses shaking their pitchforks at the “demonic transgender folks” for wanting to pee after their morning coffee.

And so, I limit my fluid intake during the week, now that I’m back to working on site. Because I’m not going to be a political statement. I’m not going to let my transgender identity become the center of conversations at work, where I’m trying to establish myself as a fair, trustworthy leader. If it ever became an issue, it could undermine my leadership reputation. So I try to avoid it at all costs. I try to make sure I’ll never have a biological need during the workday so I can avoid the possibility of losing credibility in the eyes of those I lead.

All of this really pisses me off. It pisses me off that I even have to write this. I’m not an activist. You’ll never see me shaking a sign on the side of the street, I have too much living to do, too much riding and writing.

But every time I see the news about another state passing a law demonizing transgender people, I go right back to that night at Evangelo’s. And then I get pissed off and reach for my pen.

It’s time America got back to worrying about shit that actually matters. And no offense, America — but this doesn’t fucking matter.

Transgender people are not the cause of all that ails you.
We are not the source of the national debt.
We are not the reason American freedom is under attack.
We are not the corruption in Washington.
We are not why the American dream is slipping away.

We are simply trying to pee.