One Week In
After more than five years working from home, I walked back into the office. Day one, rookie mistake: no lunch. My boss asked if I liked spicy food. Minutes later I was sweating through a cup of ghost pepper noodles, stubbornly slurping the broth he told me not to drink. And I’d do it again.
The Alarm People
They scream when you sleep, they scream when you eat, they scream in public restrooms. Medical alarms don’t care about your sanity — they care about being heard. And like a bad relationship, they demand attention at the worst possible times.
We Used to Hang Horse Thieves. Now We Bill Them by the Hour.
Once upon a time, justice was swift. A horse thief caught with the horse? A gunman seen by the whole bar? The verdict wasn’t a two-season Netflix drama — it was a rope and a tree by sundown. Today, justice isn’t about truth; it’s about lawyers billing hours, juries awarding millions for potholes, and semantics drowning common sense.
Hurricanes, HOAs, and the Luxury of Whining
HOAs, hurricanes, and the endless whining of a society too comfortable to remember what real problems look like. Maybe we need a storm to shake us out of our petty bullshit.
Fuck You, AARP
AARP wants me to believe that turning 50 makes me feeble, clueless, and ripe for scammers. Funny, because I was coding HTML and downloading porn on dial-up while their interns were still eating glue.
Bromide Guy: Fools Who Use AI Foolishly
Clueless people aren’t new. They’ve always been here — people who can’t contextualize information but march forward with absolute confidence. The latest? A would-be dieter who wound up hospitalized after sprinkling pool chemicals on his food. Inspired by AI, powered by sodium bromide, and fueled by human stupidity.
Shut Up and Shoot: A Pool League Rant
Most people don’t join the bar pool league to compete—they join to drink and pretend they’re Minnesota Fucking Fats. Meanwhile, I’m just trying to sink shots, skip the lectures, and get home before sunrise.
Bills, Bulbs, and Bewilderment
Ever try to buy a light bulb and get four separate bills weeks apart? No? Then why the hell do we accept that from our healthcare system? A sarcastic look at modern medical billing, with light bulbs, lawsuits, and a whole lot of exasperation.